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The song is “Field of Innocence” by Evanescence from their Origin CD.
I Still Remember…
By Amanda Berendt
Copyright January 2005
Natalie Lambert climbed the stairs to her apartment. For once she was glad her shift ended in the wee hours of the morning. There was no chance of running into one of her neighbors. She didn’t have the energy to talk to Mrs. Radcliffe about her personal life, or lack thereof.
Reaching her apartment, she inserted the key into the lock and let herself in. She dropped her bag on the floor and leaned back against the door. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. How could so much change so radically in so little time? Opening her eyes, she surveyed the room. It looked the same as it always had; everything was just as it should be. She sighed, frustrated at the normality of the room.
I still remember the world
From the eyes of a child
Slowly those feelings
Were clouded by what I know now
She was brought back to reality by the meowing of Sidney. He was circling her legs pleading for food as if he had never eaten before. Shaking her head, she slipped out of her coat and after depositing it a chair went into the kitchen. As she filled the bowl with the dry cat food, her mind wandered again as if it no longer wanted to have anything to do with the mundane tasks of the real world.
The image of the man sitting up on her autopsy table came into her head. Surprisingly, she hadn’t been afraid. She was startled, of course, not many patients of a pathologist tend to get up off the table. Almost immediately she was intrigued. He told her he was dead, but she knew that wasn’t true. There was a spark of life in the eyes the color of a clouded sea.
Again, Sidney’s cries pulled her from her reverie. She set the bowl on the floor and leaned against the counter watching him eat. Her mind was spinning. The world that she had always considered to be a rational place had been turned upside down.
Where has my heart gone
An uneven trade for the real world
I want to go back to
Believing in everything and knowing nothing at all
When Sidney finished eating he rubbed her legs once more in gratitude, then set off in search of a place to take a nap. Natalie smiled and crossed the living room to her bedroom.
After a hot shower and a change of clothes, she emerged from the bedroom hoping to have a new perspective on the recent events. She squinted at the sunlight coming through the window. It, too, looked different. Not as warm and inviting as it normally was. Somehow, knowing this image of the morning sun streaming through the glass was something not everyone could enjoy made it less beautiful.
I still remember the sun
Always warm on my back
Somehow it seems colder now
She stepped into the light and leaned her forehead against the glass. Her thoughts turned to what had happened in the lab. Nick, he had said his name was, had been wheeled in… dead… on a gurney, and then had somehow healed himself and risen from the table. Despite his insistence that he was something to be despised, she couldn’t believe it. Not when she looked into his eyes and seen the pain and sorrow behind the placid blue.
Until last night, she had thought such creatures lived only in the realm of fiction. Yet, when she looked at Nick, she didn’t see the evil creature he believed he was. She saw the man who dwelled within the clear blue eyes. There was something there, which drew her to him, not as a victim, but as a friend.
Where has my heart gone
Trapped in the eyes of a stranger
I want to go back to
Believing in everything
Natalie shook her head and chided herself for having such thoughts. She didn’t even know this man. How could she thinking about a man who, by all scientific reasoning, should be dead? She knew nothing about him other than his first name – how could she be so sure that he wasn’t the evil fiend he said he was. She told herself to stop and made a conscious decision to forget it ever happened. Tonight she would go into work and start the new cases that came in.
But she already knew that wouldn’t happen. Her life had irreparably changed the second Nick had been brought into her office and as she went into the kitchen to fix breakfast, she found herself wondering if she would ever see him again.